Seeing Rainbows

Being home brings old memories to life. People who were, now are. We meet again in the living room of our lives.

Perhaps it is because absence does, actually, make the heart grow fonder. Or, maybe because we have all been steadily growing up, that we can return with a renewed sense of unity. The years have passed, but the friendships do not.

Sometimes it is both a blessing and a curse. We are allowed to see who we are, as much as who we were. In certain instances we allow ourselves to revert back to old, to take a few steps backwards. No matter. This only serves to remind us how far we have traveled in the first place.

It is sad to think back over the years, and realize how many friendships have been won and then, ultimately, lost. In these memories we can find sadness, regret, and mourning. But this only makes those friends we do keep even dearer.

In the broad spectrum of life, love and friends, there is no black and white, only a cascade of colors to be celebrated. And all I see are rainbows.

Speaking of seeing rainbows, check out Sara B.

One Day

As I return from Vietnam, a lot of people have began to ask me 'how was it?'. This, if explained correctly, would take days.

Every time I go through this, to try to find the words to express my experience, I fail. Utterly, miserably, terribly. Perhaps because it is too soon, or maybe because there aren't enough words to accurately tell of my journey. For now, I will stick with the short answer, but one day…one day I hope to be able to share it with my friends and family.

A few things I have taken away:

• People are, generally, messed up inside, but they try their best
  
• Listening, perhaps, is the greatest gift you can give
  
• Family always plays a huge role in shaping us
  
• Poverty can mean nothing in the face of happiness
  
• Happiness can be nothing in the face of extreme poverty
  
• Friendships take work too
  
• Being honest, especially with yourself, can be the hardest
  
• Sometimes you aren't always rewarded for doing the right thing
  
• Sometimes you don't even feel good that you did the right thing
  
• Follow your heart, but temper expectations with your head
  

Anyway, more to come later.

Inebriated & In Love

As mentioned previously, it was hard to tell how much change occurs when you are surrounded by it. I'm on my way back home, currently laid over at LAX, and I already feel something pulling me at me. We will see where this goes.

It will take a long time to sort through the complexities and repercussions of Vietnam, but I figure now is as good a time as any for reflection.

For me, I don't think that anything encapsulates Vietnam more than my hat. Designed and created by my friend Loan, it is a frank expression of my time in Vietnam.

Vietnam was both beautiful and devastating. A temptress, her splendor could swallow you up, and take everything from you. She was at once organic, and increasingly artificial. Evident in only the most invisible ways, her touch was subtle, yet always bold. It is tempting to simplify her, to give her one dimension. She could be your ally in growth or your nemesis, oppressing you every step of the way. But she is more complex than either caricature.

I never understood why the French fell so hard for the romance of Vietnam. After living there, I now see why. Her beauty is exotic, her turmoil frustrating, and her contradictions mystifying. The intrigue is, at the very least, intoxicating. I'll admit it, I fell for her too. Punch-drunk love, indeed.

It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Rarely do we get the chance to savor a moment in our lives…

To drink up the Ha Noi sunset, an exploding orange steadily yielding to the purple haze of darkness. To smell the waves breaking on the sand past midnight, as the wind drifts in from Ha Long Bay. Ironically, it is only in the bittersweet knowledge of time's brevity in which we can enjoy the beauty of the present.

On the road of life, there are many people who will travel with us, and an equal number who will find their time to exit. I can only express my appreciation to all of those who have travelled Vietnam's Highway 1 with me for the last four months. From the black hole of Saigon to the crisp air of Hanoi, and everything in between. Romance, comedy, action, tragedy…all in a virtual spiral of drama which even MTV would be envious of. Not a dull moment to be had, our reality never needed a script.

What we have is beautiful, and like all truly beautiful things, it will soon be gone from us. But take heart, this is what made it special in the first place. So, let us keep our heads held high and take our pictures, memories, and, for those lucky enough, our scars with us. We will take these, and stitch them into the fabric of our lives. And years down the line, even if we never see each other again, we will always be able to look in the mirror and know that we shared something special, something life changing.

Arriving in Vietnam we were all searching for something. Escape, our past, ourselves…anything and everything. And in this moment of change, these moments of turbulence and chaos, we also found each other. I am proud to have shared these last four months with you all, it has been an honor.

And so, I move to say goodbye, I implore each of you to do one thing: remember. Remember this moment always, for when you return, a whole new world, a whole new you awaits. Remember these words that I hope to leave with you, words that I hope you carry on your life's journey:

Become a better person everyday, love those around you unconditionally. Trust your friends as if they're family, and always hold family close to your heart.

I will miss you all. Good luck, my friends, and goodbye.

Cheers.
 

Its better that we break

And so we come to the end. It is all too often that goodbyes are met with the emptiness of silence, and it is no different this time.

Four months of self discovery, friendship, romance, and Vietnam have come to an end. In the coming days I will try to find the words for a proper goodbye, but I doubt my efforts will suffice. Rarely do we go on such an adventure as studying abroad in Vietnam, an exercise in the permanence of change, however ironic that statement may seem.

We have shared this sojourn with many people, between ourselves and alone. Soon we will leave the comfort of Vietnam's obscurity and the familiarity of our group. It is this separation which will allow us to measure ourselves, redefined, from the people we were.

So, maybe it is better that we break apart. This is our chance to see the growth. To see what the dynamo of Vietnam has turned us into, throwing us into sharp relief against the dark backdrop of our static homes and our standstill friends. In return, we will leave behind our lives here and the beauty of Vietnam. It will cost us newly found families and friendships. But in the end, we will be that much better for it.

Sometimes life can't be all fairy tales and flowers. There will not always be a prince charming, nor there a dragon for him to slay. The truth is, life is somewhere in between. Romeo can't always have his Juliet, but we can still hope.

Nothing like a little Christmas Spirit

Unfortunately, Vietnam never really gets into the holiday spirit, despite the mini Christmas trees at Vincom mall. There's nothing like a little holiday cheer and the warm glow of a winter evening. Students here in Vietnam don't even get a Christmas break, excuse me, I meant 'Winter Break'. They do get a break for Tet, though: a two-week affair. I, on the other hand, am glad to be able to claim both holidays. Maybe it's a little homesickness, or the cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows I am sipping on, but I'm feeling like it is time to head back.

Since the holiday cheer hasn't been going around, it seems like the Grinch, having already been successful in stealing Christmas, has been making regular appearances just to cause trouble (sort of like Mickey, the rat who shares my dorm room). In a fashion that is just as detestable as my furry friend, fellow Viet Kieu have been ripe to bash me with a barrage of insults lately. They like to focus on my friends (not enough of them are Asian), where I was raised (white suburbs in Phoenix) and my proposed inability to understand minority issues (I can't know anything if I'm not active in race-based groups). Throw in a mix of insults ranging from the pejorative 'rich and privileged' (I go to UPenn) to 'elitest' (I believe in free markets) and you get the gist of their tirades.

It is not for me to judge how they came to these conclusions, and nor do I know them well enough to fully understand how these issues have impacted their lives. What I can express is disappointment. Disappointment that in our efforts to celebrate our heritage, many of us have been unable to shake a feeling of cultural superiority. They are right that race is not a color-blind issue; it is acceptance of all colors, including those having none at all. These pigmentation differences should only serve as a part of a fuller spectrum, one shape in a tapestry of personality, from which we see those around us. Unfortunately, for too many, it is the only picture they can perceive. This is a vicious cycle, one that mirrors the self-defeating spiral of depression, substance abuse, or racism. Self-segregation, even in the search for safety and identity, feeds into a system of bigotry and misunderstanding. All parties lose in this situation, yet everyone only becomes more adamant in their resolve. The Catch-22 is that we all become more divided than ever and the continuation of such group think will damage us all in the long run. We'll split along race, culture, region, politics and religion. If we are not careful, the same groups we use to pull us together can tear us apart.

So in this case, what do we do? When America, or your community, or your friends hail from every corner of the world or claim every different aspect of ideology, how do we come together? The first step must be civility. Without adequate forum for discussion, there can be no understanding. It is here which a few of my fellow Viet Kieu have lost themselves to their passion. Next, we must acknowledge our differences. Sweeping away race does nothing to foster acceptance. In order to move forward we must appreciate our own idiosyncrasies, both by accepting ourselves and those around us. In turn we should also carry ourselves with humility, and bring a measure of self-deprecating humor wherever we go, for our differences can often bring us together. Lastly, we must try to massage out intolerance. People do not become bigoted for no reason, and so we must work to address those experiences and shed positive light upon our distinctions. Such a task must be performed delicately, and may take extraordinary patience, but will be necessary to grease the wheels of dialogue. As emotional as such issues can get, and as insulated as we can become in the clusters of our own society, there must be a conscious movement to improve. Without such, like author Joseph Heller would have us believe, we can never escape the war.

Of Tribes and Tourists

Our trip to Sapa was an interesting exercise in modern tourism. The 'ethnic minority' that we went to see certainly presented a unique culture that exists nowhere else in Vietnam. However, the tourism industry subverts the presentation of such customs through the commercialization of their way of life, encroachment on their land, and imposition of infrastructure to support the industry.

The first and most apparent divesture of 'traditional' culture from the ethnic minorities appears upon arrival to Sapa. Like almost all others they come and hoard incoming buses to peddle their various wares. The influx of tourists into the area has created a market for 'traditional' items from the village people. Whether commercializing their culture is good for the tribes people themselves has yet to be seen, but the act of doing so definitively changes their lives. Instead of working in the villages or markets, they now peddle their blankets, shirts, and purses to tourists. What is seen by us as their culture is now pre-packaged and ready to export.

Tourism may have created new markets for the village people, but it has also taken away from their land. Hotels stretch the town to its limits, eventually siding next to the rice paddies themselves. Trails used by thousands of tourist to trek into Phan Xi Pan, sprawl out into the forests. And home stay guesthouses spring up in the midst of the bamboo. These are all necessary components to a burgeoning tourism industry; however they are also distorting the true culture of these ethnic minorities. Trails that used to be used for trade or travel now cater to trekkers and their tour guides. In addition to changing their environment, the myriad of parading foreigners will certainly bring about their own debris and waste, sparking pollution in a previously pristine forest.

In the race out of poverty, the ethnic minorities of Sapa will face increasing pressure from outside influences. In the coming years they must balance their need to maintain a unique and rich culture while continuing to reap the benefits from a world full of curious travelers. This will be no small task.